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Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Feeling of Stupidity

I study and study and study.  Seems as if I do not study enough.  It can be so hard, but I can be so hard on myself.  Once again, we are on the 3rd test and yet again I did not pass.  It is finally time to drop the class and not worry about it anymore.  Government and History, one of my very difficult courses.  I seem to be passing my other classes but when it comes to these other 2 subjects.......I FAIL!!  EPIC FAIL!!!
It really is taking a toll on my confidence.  I want to just stop going to school.  Just work as a Technician...that might be all I am good at doing and that might be all I am worth. What am I doing wrong?  How am i supposed to study?  I have a child and I do not feel as if I have time to study as much as I should.  I don't have help from my significant other, or so I feel.  He complains that he is tired.  He has the audacity to say that he works a lot so he needs time to rest and time for himself.  I may not work as much anymore, but I cook, clean, take care of the baby, take care of him, just recently took up my bro and i also work 3 or 4 days a week.  Where is my time?  Lately I have just been feeling like I am being verbally attacked by him.  I just feel like he is saying, in his way, that I am stupid, lazy and not worth anything.  Then again I think I am just being sensitive.  I've never felt this bad in a long time.  The last time was with my mom.  Something is bothering me but I do not know what.  I feel so vulnerable.  I feel so...unwanted.  I feel so....STUPID.
I guess I am just taking on a lot.   I think I am just overwhelmed.  I think it is just plain old STRESS.  I guess I can just drop the class and take it again next semester.  I will be ready and know what to expect.  I guess... we shall see.

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